The Skunk and the Blini

What a great title right? So I am on spring break this week which means that I am catching up on major amounts of TV. American Idol was on last night and it was time to send someone packing. How Kristy Lee Cook can go out and murder two classic Beatles' songs and survive the bottom three for three consecutivc weeks I will never know. But in her defense John Lennon and George Harrison (may they rest in peace) are probably rolling over in their graves not to mention McCartney who probably couldn't believe that Heather Mills was getting paid so people could hear the filth spewing from the contestants mouths that they called Beatles songs. I mean the Beatles were in my opinion THE greatest rock band ever. I am sure that many people in the world would disagree with that statement but you have to consider the fact that rock was in its infancy until the British Invasion and many of the so-called rock bands and garage bands that have come since probably would not have existed without the help of the Beatles. But as always, I digress. Cook's ability to survive could not have come at a more critical time because she ousted Amanda Overmeyer. It has amazed me that the skunk-haired, Harley riding, poor excuse for a Janis Joplin wannabe made it this far simply by screaming week after week. So I am glad she is gone. One) because she was terrrible (as are most constestants this year) and two) now Casey's blood pressure can go down during this weekly block of time.

In other news, Valerie had to "pack her knives and go." Rightly so. Having said that I can't believe she decided to make a blini for the Zoo Challenge. This challenge divided the chefs into teams where they were assigned an animal and could only make dishes from the food eaten by the animal. Pretty cool huh? So why in the world would you choose to make glorified pancakes which is my understanding of what blinis are. Russian pancakes served with caviar and all you have now is really, really expensive breakfast food that would probably be better if you went to an IHOP or Waffle House and just brought your own caviar. In addition, the chefs were catering this week which meant they had to prepare they food, get to the Zoo and serve the food rather than have it go straight from the kitchen to the table. So why would you make pancakes? Everyone knows that pancakes get soggy after like five minutes so why would you make this decision when you are trying to win $100,000 and other awesome stuff? I would love to just be able to download cooking tips and techniques (a la Matrix) into my head just to be able to experiment with food and come up with some of the dishes that these contestants do. But at the same time I don't get some of the choices these guys make. Oh and Nikki, you get a pass this week simply because if anyone still reads this blog, they have long since quit reading this post. However, if you can't bake mushrooms better than the little dookie balls you called mushrooms, then you won't be around long either.

Constitution: Buffet Style!

Ok,

So in probably the most controversial issues of the year and possibly the decade, the Supreme Court is taking up the issue of guns. On the one hand the District of Columbia is arguing for the regulation of handguns. Look at Columbine, the countless other school shootings, mall shootings, church shootings, Virginia Tech. It seems that people have lost their damn minds just shooting all types of innocent people just because they are too cowardly to grow up and face the world like an adult. Life sucks and it is not fair. GROW UP AND DEAL WITH IT! So you didn't get the job/grade you wanted, that doesn't give you the right to go out and shoot ten billion people just so you can be famous. And to this extent the District of Columbia's position makes sense. In theory. On the other hand is Mr Heller who is a 65 year old security guard who lives in a poor section of DC who wants to own a handgun for self defense. Unfortunately for him this is outlawed in DC which he claims is a violation of his second amendment right to bear arms. So here is my problem with the whole issue. Besides the fact that it is too easy for the criminal element and immature kids to obtain weapons think about the old saying "when guns are outlawed, only the outlaws will have guns". I personally don't own a gun but this controversy makes me think twice about getting one. I mean seriously. If the average, responsible citizen (with gun safes, trigger locks, etc.) cannot own a gun then what are we supposed to do when attacked? Wait for the police, file a report, and hope that the offender (if caught) doesn't get off on a technicality? But I digress. I am not trying to become right wing by any stretch of the imagination but I am disturbed by the arguments the lawyers for DC are making. They argue that the " court should avoid turning every phrase of the Second Amendment into a 'libertarian right.' A well-regulated militia isn't about everyone owning a gun willy-nilly. The Constitution does not create some kind of sacred, fundamental right to guns. If there's a right here at all, he says, it's at the "penumbra of the periphery" of the Constitution: in a shack behind the river where the other unenumerated rights huddle." When did the Constitution become a buffet? Last time I checked the Constitution was only the foundation of our country. I find it interesting that anytime some nutcase wants to make an outrageous claim, burn the flag, call our brave soldiers homosexuals, or insult common morality we just have to sit back and take it because it is protected by the "sanctity of the First Amendment (right to free speech)". However, when people want to own a gun that is protected by the Second Amendment, that belief is assaulted and those people are relegated to the "periphery". If the Constitution has become nothing more than a buffet to pick and choose from, then our nation is seriously in trouble.

De Toqueville, Part 1

So I wish that there was some way to genetically alter DNA so that I could have appreciated my education when I was receiving it. I, like most youth, do not truly understand what we are being taught until many years later and that is a shame. For instance, take my political science seminar. It was really boring sitting there talking about dead guys for 2.5 hours for a measley grade, but as I have gotten older the things I did learn have made me realize how incredibly talented/ genius these dead guys really were. Take Alexis de Tocqueville. He was a Frenchman who came to the United States to observe the fledgling democracy and his work can be seen in Democracy in America which is very highly regarded as one of the most important works of the 1800s. Now that I have a little time off for spring break I am going to make some observations/opinions about the current political climate/state of America. I am inspired because the husband of my wife's friend made an astute commentary on their blog about how this election is nothing more than American Idol. We don't really care who wins. We just want to be able to say that we voted for our favorite Idol at work the next day. Way to go Caleb. Brilliant. Consider the following two quotes from dT who said (over 150 years ago), "In the United States, the majority undertakes to supply a multitude of ready-made opinions for the use of individuals, who are thus relieved from the necessity of forming opinions of their own" and "I know of no country in which there is so little independence of mind and real freedom of discussion as in America." This guy was genius. I mean think about it. We are told by the media what to watch, where to eat, how the war is going, who we should vote for blahblahblah. Everytime you turn around there is someone telling you what your opinion should be and why your opinion is wrong. Just turn on the TV. Commercials that never end, pundits, 24 hr infomercials who's sole purpose is to get you to buy into whatever they are selling. And the sad thing is that we as a nation buy into this. As we go thru the election season, take the time to research the candidates. Learn about them, see what they are all about and what their records are. Don't rely on political ads that tell us candidates "just are" better than their opponents or get sucked in by fear mongering commercials that tell us that "we are unsafe unless we elect a certain person". Our future depends on it.

Jeff

TOP CHEF!!!

Ok,

So I am probably the world's worst blogger EVER!!!! I mean, I write these articles that are HILARIOUS and then I don't write again for another month. Well, that is about to change! While I realize that many of you are probably bored or have even quit reading, I prefer to look at it like I am a drug dealer. I am giving you just enuf crack to keep you coming back!!!HAHAHAHA! Anyways, it is now time for the greatest time of the year.....the return of TOP CHEF! I mean Heidi is still ridiculously hot for a 30 plus year old supermodel of like 12 kids and Tim Gunn provides warm, grandfatherly advice that keeps you warm thru the winter and hoping that you don't have to hear " Your out! Auf Wiedersehen!", but the Top Chef is back! Siriano was hilarious but the heat is really getting turned up in the kitchen this year! If you are not watching then shame shame shame on you! I will admit that I was a little disappointed with the language this year. I mean every other word was edited out due to cussing but this show is AWESOME! Not only do they come up with the most insane challenges, these chefs come up with the most insane dishes. I literally want to try every single dish. Oh, and Padma isn't so unattractive either. But the main reason that I watch the show is the fact that this show is the best "reality show" on TV!. There is no who can seduce the most people (aka The Real World/ Road Rules crowd and you know who you are) or secret alliances! Tom Colichio is my DAWG! He keeps things real and the person that turns out the worst dish for that challenge is going home. Plain and simple. So you better bring your "A" game and fan cuz this season is gonna' get HOT! Wednesday Nights 10 PM EST! Be there! And in case you didn't watch last week, Nimma deserved to go home because she was not only waaaaaaaaaaay out of her league, she had the personality of Eeyore!

Chef Jeff Out!

Justice

So I spent the weekend studying so that I could watch the greatest football game of the year and it was totally worth it. The "greatest team of all time", the New England Patriots, who were 18-0 got BEAT! For the record, I hate the Patriots. I was in their camp the first time they won but the more they have been around the more I hate them. I can't stand Belichik because the man has the personality of a rock and who, as a coach, has consistenly dominated his opponents for the last few years yet felt the need to cheat by spying on an opposing team. I can't stand the Patriots because they have consistently kicked everyone's a-- making them the equivalent of the New York Yankees and the last time I checked unless you were from New York, most people hate the Yankees. But most of all I can't stand Tom Brady. I will admit that on some level I am jealous because he's my age, plays professional football for a living, makes more money in a season than I will in a lifetime, and has this annoying charm that helps him seduce/date some of the hottest women on the planet. But for the most part I can't stand the amount of credit that he gets. I am not going to argue his stats because 1)I don't keep up with them and 2) I don't really care. Having said that, the guy has not had to work that hard. He has bad the best talent at all the key position, the best coach, the best defense, and the best offensive line that basically puts up Fort Knox around him every time they snap the ball. I mean I shouldn't criticize the guy because I am not playing in the NFL, but since people criticize doctors every time you turn around I figure turnabout is fair play. I mean how freakin' hard is it for a pro QB who has 6-7 seconds every snap to find someone. It's just throw and catch. Couple that with a defense that allows opponents to score .5 points a game it's not that hard to win. I am just tired of these writers who get all up in Peyton Manning's face about how he was terrible until he won the SUper Bowl. He never had the cast that Brady did. Put Brady on the Dolphins who were 1-15 and see how he does. Probably won't be so stellar. So freakin' eat it Brady and you too New England! Go GIANTS!

Until Next time,

Jeff

2/16 (it's a measurement not a date)

Hello Sportsfans,

I know it has been a long time and I know that many of you have probably stopped checking this so that means that I am just rambling into cyberspace, but I have missed writing. It is somewhat therepeutic I believe. It is also the last time that I will be calling anybody that is bored enough to read my ramblings, "sportfans". See, I couldn't come up with anything clever and since "Dogg Pound" has been waaaay overused it was all I could come up with. However, I was watching Scrubs one day and they were ridiculing the use of the word "sportsfans". Since I get most of my medical eduation from that show (well at least the most important stuff anyways...HAHAHA!) I must stop using this word so as not to be termed "a dork".
So I am not really a handyman in case many of you were not aware. I like it when I fix minor things and I like the idea of being Mr. Fix-it but I mean let's face it. I am not 6'2'' orhave bulging biceps, and the thought of me walking, no strutting, into a room with my toolbelt saying "I'll fix it" is frankly quite hilarious. Anyways, over the holidays our utility bill was twice what is normally was. Merry Freakin' Christmas from MLGW huh? Well, this window in the attic had been busted since we moved in and I being the Sherlock Holmes that I am just figured that was where we were losing heat. So off to Lowe's I went. I had my measurements, the tools, I had done research, I was ready. I needed this. Especially after Casey and I tried to change a light fixture that almost caused the third world war. So imagine my surprise when I got home and the window didn't fit. So I remeasured the glass which was cut long. So back to Lowe's I went. The glass was recut and off to the attic I went. I put the glass in and at the very last glazing point (which holds the glass in place) I heard CRACK! Yup I broke it! Then I decided to wait for my father-in-law who was coming in town for business and who pretty much built his house from the ground up. So we tried to put in the spare piece and it was to big. So it's Thursday by this point (about 3 days later) and I went back to Lowe's for the third time. When I got home guess what? It didn't fit. So for the 4th time in almost as many days I am back to Lowes'. I had them cut it small and the spare piece smaller. I was putting a window in DANG IT! At the end of my time at Lowe's the guy noticed on the recut that his machine that it was cutting 2/16 or 1/8 of an inch long. I mean does nobody measure anymore! GAAAAAAHHHH I wanted to rip my freakin' hair out! But for now I am going to relish the fact that for a brief moment I was Mr (Almost) Fixit!

Until Next Time,

Jeff

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: A Meat Story

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the year!

That's right sportsfans. It's Christmas time. The temperature is dropping (sort of), the lights are going up, radio stations are playing Christmas music 24 hours a day, and I have savored the taste of victory. That's right ladies and gentlemen I have complete the first class of my medical school training: GROSS ANATOMY! No more lab or smelling like formaldehyde 24 hours a day. I must say that I truly respect those who donated their bodies so that I could learn but I am also truly thankful that gross is over. Now on to the fun stuff like my birthday. For my birthday we went to a the paradise of steakhouses: Texas de Brazil. Now for those of you who have never heard of this restaraunt let me just start of by saying that the Brazilians do meat right. At this place there is a huge salad bar with all sorts of salad, cheeses, soups, side item, and the most wonderful lobster bisque I have ever tasted. I mean the salad bar alone is worth the price of admission. But this is a meat story so back to the meat! At your table there is a little button type thing that is green one one side and red on the other. Now when you flip the button to green about thirty servers descend upon your table with giant four foot skewers with all sorts of meat like lamb roast, lamb chops, filet mignon, flank steak, parmesan pork, BBQ ribs, and the list could go on forever. It should be noted that as long as the button is green then these people keep offering you stuff. It was all so delicious and it felt like thanksgiving except I didn't have to waste stomach space on the "fixins". It was so good if I haven't mentioned that already! As we rolled ourselves home all I could think was "Happy Birthday to me!"